It is neither joy nor sorrow, it is not confidence nor is it self-doubt. It is not fear, but neither is the absence of fear. It is not a chaotic feeling, but neither have I experienced a calm in my heart. It is not apathy, and yet it is not enthusiasm either. I am simply going about my day one thing at a time; it would be overwhelming to look beyond that one thing. Is it the feeling that I have no purpose because I am not spending my days with AIDS orphans in Africa? Perhaps it is... perhaps it is a feeling of inadequacy, perhaps I feel as though I must return to the mission field in order to be useful. If so I need to address this.
I am not only a missionary when I am on a "mission trip." On the last day at debrief I dedicated my life to full-time Christian missions. My life is now, full-time Christian missions is now. Where I am standing is my mission field, I am a missionary.
Lord, Heavenly Father,
You have given me my mission field, I ask that you would grant me the grace and strength and to fulfill this mission and to bring you glory. Bring me joy, Lord, and perseverance as I tackle all the tasks you have set before me. For all those that you have called to be missionaries in your kingdom I ask that you would grant them the same grace and strength to lead the lost to you in their own hometowns. Thank you, Lord. Amen.